


For You

by Pathryn34



Category: Supernatural
Genre: #Bunker, #Sad, #jack, #remembering, Canonical Character Death, Gen, M/M, Samstiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 01:43:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13447857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pathryn34/pseuds/Pathryn34
Summary: Sam’s thoughts after his fight with Dean in Patience, 13.03.





	For You

**Author's Note:**

> The only Major Character deaths are the canon deaths at the end of Season 12. No one dies here.

Sam closed his door much more gently than he truly wanted to and leaned against it. Then let out a shuddering, heaving breath. The fight he just had with Dean left him reeling.

Dean was hurting. The grief burst forth from him like a punch, with Jack and him the unfortunate recipients. Sam understood this.

But, how could he think Sam wasn’t respecting the memory of Cas?

Just thinking his name brought a visceral pain to Sam’s chest and involuntary prick of tears to his eyes.

He felt the sudden urge to sit, and collapsed on the bed. Putting his head in his hands, burying his fingers in his hair as he let the memories and emotions flow over him.

The movie nights, the breakfasts, the feeling of just rightness when Cas was at the Bunker. All the times Cas was there for them. He repeatedly defied his fellow angels, for them. And all the times he “betrayed” them, as Dean called it, was actually Cas trying to protect them, to do what was right. And who knew that better than Sam? How trying to do right can actually go so wrong.

He remembered the night Cas left them laying, sleeping on the cold, hard ground. He had left them for Jack.

For awhile, he had agreed with Dean. This was another example of Cas trying to do the right thing that will blow up in all their faces.

But then, that night happened. The infamous night that changed everything.

Seeing the alternate universe where they weren’t there to save it, meeting another Bobby that didn’t know them, but was still reliable.

Then all the loss. Even Crowley had died for them. Who saw that coming?

The pain returned full force at remembering the moment Cas died. Sam had been so relieved Cas had made it back, only to watch him die an instant later.

Then, Mom. She had stepped up. She had punched Lucifer square in his smug face. Repeatedly. She literally punched him through the rift.

But, at the last second, he had grabbed her and dragged her through with him. Sam remembered watching in shocked despair as the rift closed swiftly behind them.

Dean had to be wrong. Mom couldn’t be dead. She couldn’t. They had just started to be a family again.

That’s when he had remembered. The nephilim, Jack. He had opened this rift. He could open another.

So, Sam shoved down all his grief and went to look for the key to at least one solution.

The next moments became a blur of fighting through fear: The yellow eyes again shining in a nursery, being thrown against a wall, the desperate search, the fear of being locked in a cage again, with Lucifer’s son this time.

But, then it all changed. Jack was simply confused and lost, as Sam himself had once been. A being trying to be good, when everything was telling him he was the opposite.

Sam’s hopes had risen that Jack might be willing, and the only one able, to help save Mom.

But, then, Jack called Cas his father and Sam was lost. Jack became more than a kindred spirit, or a way to get his mother back. Jack was all Sam had left of Cas. And Sam vowed to care for him, help him, save him, all out of his love for Cas.

Sam stood on now steady legs as he walked purposefully for the sink in his room. He turned on the water and proceeded to wash away the the traces of tears and pain. He stared into the mirror as he ran damp hands through his hair.

He once again tamped down his emotions as Dean had taught him to do all those years ago, when rage had threatened to overwhelm him.

He had to be strong, strong for his grieving brother, his lost mom, for Jack.

For Cas.

 


End file.
